tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC December 22, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PST
hi, jimmy kimmel here letting you know subway is ready to cater the next event wchl holiday parties in full swing you can't go wrong with the flavor craver, the classic combo and since we're at our holiday party right now, i think now would be the perfect time for me to give you your gift. >> okay, jimmy. >> here it is. the subway three-foot giant sub. >> wow, a three-foot giant sub from subway, my favorite. thank you, jimmy, you are so very, very, very generous. >> you deserve it, buddy. >> i got a present for you, too. >> you do? >> yeah.
>> wow! >> thank you. >> put it down a little bit. >> so you can read the teleprompter. >> exactly. yes. that is the subway six-foot giant sub. >> thank you. it. >> is bigger than the one you gave me. >> yeah, i see that. >> it is three foot bigger. >> yes, i can see. >> it is twice as big. >> yeah, i get it. you got me a better gift than i got you. i'm embarrassed and sorry. >> don't feel bad, jimmy. christmas is not just about stuff. it's about friendship. >> thank you for saying that, pal. i feel the same way. merry christmas. >> merry christmas you cheap son of a bitch. visit subway catering.com to order. >> jimmy kimmel is back in two minutes with hugh jackman, jenna
>> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight hugh jackman. jenna fischer. and music from 2 chainz. with cleto and the cletones. >> and now, although it's been said many times, many ways, here's jimmy kimmel! >> cleto: jimmy kimmel live! [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm jimmy. miami the host of the show. thanks to all of you coming out tonight. i appreciate that. i'm glad that you came out. i'm glad you came out. i hope we can laugh a bit tonight after a horrible weekend.
and -- i have trouble controlling my emotions but it's weird to do a show with so much sadness. sometimes, though, that's what needs to happen. i think the president said what needed to be said last night on television. i think he spoke beautifully. i just want the people in connecticut to know that we do not take what you're going through lightly and we are thinking about you a lot all of us even though we are at a talk show. [ cheers and applause ] so my job tonight is to give you a little break from being sad. and i will try my best to do that, all right? so -- you want to see some christmas lights shaped like a penis? we have video here. this is a christmas light display in brighton, england. this video got spread around the
internet a lot today. i don't know how this happened or if it was accidental or intentional. but it would appear that if you stand directly under the lights a very familiar shape appears. i know you are supposed to kiss under mistletoe what do you doe under that? i have a serious holiday-related question. how do you tip your garbage man? i have three that come to my house. one for trash, one for recycling and one for yard clippings. am i supposed to wait outside my house at 5:30 even morning. i thought about taping an envelope to the container but what if they don't see it. and it goes to the dump or if someone steals it. i was the victim of a theft this weekend. on saturday night, between the hours of 2:00 and 3:00 a.m., someone stole the cover off of my daughter's prius. my daughter is away at college. and saturday night i got home, sunday morning, gone. now, i have security cameras at my house. i went through the tape.
this is the car that did it. a gmc yukon denali the car didn't do it. the people in the car. i have video of it coming and shots of it going. i can't make out the license plate at all. i need one of those guys from every fbi show that zooms right in and sees it. the nerd on the show. where is that technology in the real world? on tv they zoomed in. this is what happens when we zoom in to try to get it. nothing. i'm determined to catch these guys. i have been checking on craigslist to see if they are selling a cover. who steals the cover off a car? like stealing the cap off the pen. at least steal the car. to whoever did this, i want you to know, my name is jimmy kimmel, you stole the cover off of my daughter's prius. and you are going to pay for it. i will not rest until you have been brought to justice. i will rest.
but -- i never felt more like liam neeson than i did a moment ago. make they don't realize i work for abc. i know castle. castle will track you down and look great doing it, you jerks. christmas is a week away. to get you in the christmas spirit we booked a rapper by the name of 2 chainz. reminds me of a young bing crosby. also jenna fischer and hugh jackman are here. [ cheers and applause ] after eight nights, hanukkah ended. i feel like it went on longer than "the hobbit" this year. one of our writers went to his kid's hebrew school. he went to the luncheon and the kids sang hanukkah songs for the parents and he swears these are the lyrics.
take a potato, pat, pat, pat, shape it and make it flat, flat, flat. not exactly have yourself a merry little christmas. how excited can kids get about making a potato flat, flat, flat? everyone gets bad gifts around the holidays. it's inevitable. but the worst part is not the gift but pretending you like the gift. that's the trick. you give them your best it's perfect and i love it thing. but that is the most important christmas skill a person can have. today we asked pedestrians to show us their false enthusiasm and show us how they react when they get a lousy gift. this is a city full of actors. they should be good at this. >> thank you so much. you know me so well. this is beautiful. i love it. >> oh, my god. i love it. great, thanks, perfect. >> oh, wow. thanks. >> oh, that's so nice.
>> it's so nice. so wonderful. thank you so much. >> oh, wow. i absolutely love it. where did you find it? >> wow! no! no! i like it. >> thank you so much. you know, i appreciate that. >> oh, my god that's exactly what i wanted. how did you know? >> wow, honey this is great. this is what i've always wanted. >> i don't like teddy bears. thank you, though. i just don't like it. >> thanks, this is awesome. hurray. >> whoa. thank you so much. >> oh, thank you. >> i always wanted this and i'll keep it and look after it for always. >> you're a liar. >> i am a liar. >> wow. it's so perfect. >> i love it. and i will definitely use in the future. don't worry about that. >> oh, my god. i love this gift. >> oh, wow.
that's so nice. you know, that's really cool. i love it. definitely i'm going to wear this christmas in my dinner. >> going to wear this christmas in my dinner. a lot of people won't wear their christmas in their dinner. "the hobbit" and "unexpected journey" had the biggest opening weekend ever for a movie in december. it's a three hour movie about dwarves eating breakfast. it's 169 minutes long. the longest movie ever made about short people. there is a big power ball drawing last week for $59 million and it was purchased by a couple in new jersey. it was purchased bay couple who lived in massachusetts. they seem to have a solid plan for the money. >> they have 50 million reasons to smile. she wants to share her fortune with her kids and grandchildren.
>> and he says he would like to get a new set of teeth. >> that's going to be quite a set of teeth for $25 million. >> jimmy: abc television network has a deal with justin bieber to develop a sitcom based on his life. how is justin bieber's life conducive to his situation comedy? what situations does he get in to? i can't believe i crashed my ferrari again. my mom's going to kill me. justin will not be the star but it will be based on his unconventional upbringing his previous television experience includes a hosting gig and he played a mop on a pine sol commercial. welcome to the abc family, justin. last night the wedding of abc
bachelorette ashley and j.p. no one told them they were supposed to break up. they got married instead. the best part was not the wedding but the promo for the new season of the bachelor. this time around it's shawn lowe. he was a contestant on bachelorette emily's season. and it looks like this will be the most dramatic season of "the bachelor" yet. >> i'm not going to let any girl stop me from being with sean. >> oh, my god. >> i can't believe they did this to me. >> i hope the girls got what they wanted. >> this is really crazy. >> i'm just stunned. i don't know what's going on. >> it blind sided me so badly. >> what a lucky break.
did they happen to have a camera sitting on the floor slow throwing it right at the spot where that rose fell. what are the odds? it's almost as if they knew it was going to happen. and one more thing. we spend a lot of time combing the television and the internet to find the best clips. at the end of the year we look back at the clips and we choose the best of the best. it's time to present the award for 2012 clip of the year. [ cheers and applause ] the nominees for clip of the year are diabolical cat. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: big-ass shark. >> got no line. >> oh. [ bleep ] oh! [ bleep ]. >> it's all mine. it's all mine. get it! [ bleep ]. >> it's a shark! a shark! it's a big-ass shark! >> jimmy: sweet brown. >> go give me a cold pop. then i thought somebody was barbecuing and i said lord jesus it's a fire. i ran out and didn't grab no shoes or nothing, jesus and i ran for my life and then the smoke got me. i got bronchitis. i don't got time for that. >> jimmy: that was not a countdown. >> there we go.
>> [ bleep ]. >> here we go. >> can you give me a countdown -- >> that was not a countdown what kind of countdown was that? >> jimmy: mom of the year. >> a woman is in trouble for allegedly taking her 5-year-old daughter into a tanning booth in a salon. >> i'm going to bring my daughter into a 90-degree bed. that's not normal. >> jimmy: and birthday wishes. >> you can't forget first birthdays. let's pass some greetings along. happy birthday to ijaz. happy birthday from dawn keibals from kranston. >> jimmy: and the winner is for clip of the year 2012, sweet brown!
look at this. congratulations. perhaps you'd like to say a few words, sweet brown. congratulations. >> oh, my gosh! man, this is so wonderful. thank you y'all so much. thank y'all. that y'all for loving sweet brown. i love y'all so much and jimmy thank you for having me on your show. >> happy hanukkah to you. >> thank you so much. >> sweet brown the clip of the year winner. we'll be right back. we have a good show tonight. from the office, jenna fischer is here. we have music from 2 chainz. and we'll be right back with hugh jackman. so stick around. we're at walmart with the simmons family.
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cd based on a true story 2 chainz from the bud light stage. there are two chains on the cd. tomorrow night we'll be joined by samuel l. jackson. and the cast of jersey shore. so i hope you like cursing! and we'll have music from ed sheeran. and a quick programming note tuesday, january 8th will be our first night in our new time slot at 11:35. our guests that night will be jennifer aniston and no doubt. whether he's belting out show tunes on a broadway stage or ripping a villain in half with foot-long knuckle-blades, our first guest is a mighty show business force. his newest film for which he earned a golden globe nomination the epic musical "les miserables," opens in theaters
christmas day. please say hello to hugh jackman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. very good to see you. >> jimmy: good to see you, as always. [ cheers and applause ] this week -- in this week you got a golden globe nomination, a s.a.g. nomination and your star on the hollywood walk of fame right across the street from us. >> that's pretty good. >> that's a decent week. >> going to be hard to get a good christmas present. going to be hard for my family. and they expect me to buy a lottery ticket. >> jimmy: you know how much people would hate you if you won the lottery. you would go from a favorite to a least favorite. are you shooting the new wolverine movie? >> just finished. >> jimmy: where did you shoot that? >> we shot it in sydney but the whole thing takes place in japan.
it's a japan saga from the comic books. and we shot most of in the sydney and it's weird. there are only 100 japanese people who live in the country of australia and they play 15 roles each. if you watch carefully they are all rotating. but we did shoot in japan. >> that was incredible. >> jimmy: part of it? >> a month we shot in japan. that is an experience i will never forget. we had about two days off. i climbed mount fuji with my son, oscar. >> oh, you did? >> he's only 12, and it's a serious climb. there's oxygen tanks. i didn't know that until we got up this. they were selling them up there for $3,000. >> jimmy: did he know? how long does it take? >> ten days. each station is a couple hours climb and we stayed on the eighth station. that's close.
we had been going six hours. we get there at 5:30 and you sleep until 1:30 in the morning and climb the rest. in japan they give you a meal and you go to sleep in these shelves in log cabens. there are shelves laid out and they all just pile in like sardines and all the japanese people like this is normal and it's fine an they climb in and they give you a packet of rice as a pillow. >> jimmy: what? as a pillow. >> if you imagine that's the aisle and that's the wall and they are on their iphones like this. and they literally all just go -- >> jimmy: they're dining right? -- they are dying right in front of you. >> right in front of you. the westerner. you are on a tatami mat. >> jimmy: you're too big.
>> i'm moving like this. it is uncomfortably close. i'm walking up and down the hall. 1:30 in the morning we get up and they just literally go -- and up they go. we climb up the next four hours. it's a long story. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> we get to the top of the mountain and arrive ten minutes before sunrise. it's getting brighter and the sun is coming up. it's amazing. there is a seat there and wire mesh fence that you don't fall down and everyone is sitting there. as the sun came up and my son is like this -- >> jimmy: oscar didn't sleep well either? >> no. no recollection of the entire thing. >> jimmy: how old is he? >> 12. >> jimmy: i don't think you appreciate natural beauty at that age unless it's a naked woman. you really don't appreciate. >> a good point. he is only interested in this
bit of the naked woman right now. >> jimmy: you go from there. >> it's bizarre how -- oh, yeah. we've just been on a tour -- >> jimmy: of what? >> of "les mis." and my son is like -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah, right. >> you're an incredible actress. >> jimmy: and when your name is oscar. it's like, hey, ladies, would you like an oscar. >> please, do not encourage him. it's an amazing experience. >> jimmy: the best thing my dad and i did together. >> i'm kind of with him. climbing the mountain. an hour in to the climb you look down at the most incredible view of tokyo. right down to the water, amazing. is it any better four hours later when you are a little higher? no. no. >> jimmy: and the helicopter takes you up there now. you have been getting great
reviews for "les miserables." and you got the golden globe knock nation. -- nomination. i assume you had seen the play before. is it something you had committed to memory? >> i was exposed to it by my mate grubby. >> jimmy: what? >> he's name is brian but his nickname is grubby. the nicknames are cruel. >> jimmy: like what? >> there was one kid at our school who had a car accident. -- don'tlet lafaye don't laugh yet. it was touch and go for a while. he was in a coma and there were people praying and doing this thing and will he come back? he came back and we were not sure if he was coming back in the same shape that he left. when he came back six months later. it appeared he was getting better. and he was fine.
but from the moment he arrived back at school he was called damage. >> jimmy: it could have been worse. damage, huh? >> damage, welcome back. it was worse for me. >> jimmy: what is your nickname? >> do you remember the show "v"? >> and they tried to bring it back here at abc. >> i got in a hot sweat when i saw it. they had a mark here in the shape of the v. that distinguished them as aliens. i woke up at the age of 14 with acne in the shape of a v for a month every day. could not get rid of it as the show is peaking and everyone is yelling yo, v, welcome to school man. what up, alien. >> jimmy: why did you call him grubby? >> he was very slick.
your time is up and your parole's begun. you know what that means. >> yes, means i'm free. >> no. follow to the letter your itinerary your badge will show you until you die. it warns you're a dangerous man. >> i stole a loaf of bread. my sister's child was close to death. we were starving. >> you will starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law. >> the meaning of those 19 years. >> a slave of the law. >> that is hugh jackman and russell crowe in "les miserables." it opens christmas day. it's fun to see you guys arguing in song. >> very natural. this is what happens. >> real australians do that. >> ♪ i hate you jimmy kimmel. >> i was there and i didn't do that. i didn't experience that.
for a movie like this. -- you know the soundtrack and have seen the musical. do you bother to do research for it? >> you do, for real? >> there is that 1,600-page book with which i will get around to reading any minute. i hear it's great. but i actually went to unusually long and deep lengths to make sure i had everything right. this is a famous french tale. i sacrificed myself for the most of last summer by going to france. no, no. wait. i did a road trip right through the wine region and right to the south of france and i had a house for a month in provence. day in and day out, french, french wine, french, french, french. >> all write offs right? all tax deductible. that's research for the role. you really did that. >> i really did that. i'm a serious actor.
>> jimmy: was anyone convinced you were doing this for the role? >> nobody. but after the third bottle of wine i would sing a lot. but it was embarrassing. i went on this road trip right down to st. tropez and the first town we got to -- i was driving in a car with a gps. and some of them have the name of the street you are on. we turn on this town and going down the main street and we're on avenue victor hugo. this is amazing. this -- let's find the street sign. we pull over. i get out. i'm like come on, kids. we take a photo. and victor hugo. get back in the car and second town, avenue victor hugo. this is incredible. this is why we do the research. i'm feeling him in my bones. third down i realize that main street in every town in france
is avenue victor hugo. literally every town. but next time i will do the slide show of my trip. 53 pictures. >> your poor kids throughout the whole thing. dad and his victor hugo. for god's sakes already. >> dad, this is incredible. >> jimmy: congratulations on the movie. i know it will be a good movie. hope to see you in wolverine soon. >> jimmy: hugh jackman! "les miserables" opens in theaters christmas day. we'll be right back with jenna fischer. ,, break the news gently.
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i'm back. still to come, 2 chainz. our next guest stars as pam the person, not the cooking spray on the long-running and very funny show, "the office." its farewell season continues thursday nights on nbc. please welcome jenna fischer. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how's everything. i think you were pregnant the last time i saw you. >> u.s. was that true? >> jimmy: with a baby. >> i was pregnant with a baby. that's good. >> jimmy: that's worked out nicely? >> now we have the baby and he
is a year old. >> jimmy: wow. was that the last time -- i haven't seen you for a while. >> it was a while. that was our big night out before i had the baby. >> our last hurrah. >> jimmy: mine and yours. >> you haven't got out much either. >> jimmy: you are half way through the final season of "the office." have you started to feel nostalgic about that? >> yeah. yeah. we filmed half of the final season. hasn't aired yet but we finished filming it. and we were on set talking about how far we've come. the show has changed all our lives. we have careers where we didn't have careers before and trading stories about our first jobs. >> jimmy: what was your first job? >> very different than the office. when i came to town, my very first paid acting job was as a background person. those are the people who stand in the background of things. >> right.
>> no lines or anything. and was a background person for the "jurassic park ride" a at universal studios. it was a commercial. >> a commercial for the jurassic park ride. >> i had just got here and had been here three days and my girlfriend from college was a casting director who cast the background people and she asked if i wanted to be in this commercial as a background person and i was like yes. they were going to pay me $100 to ride the ride at all day and film me. i thought this was the greatest thing. so my friend and i both signed up. we pull on to the universal studios lot. i have been here three days and i'm on the lot. i have made it. >> that's a fun lot to be on. >> you see the "back to the future" stuff and that -- i think that's right. >> i think "back to the future" is there. i know "jaws" is there. >> and arnold schwarzenegger is walking to his car smoking a
cigar. like for real, the real arnold schwarzenegger. and we couldn't believe it. we walk up to the ride and it was all downhill from there. literally down many hills. because it's -- it's a water ride. it's a water roller coaster ride. and i'm an extra on it now all day. >> jimmy: okay. >> and so, you ride the ride but you ride it in sections for the commercials. so you don't ride the whole thing. so you ride the first section and a little spitter guy comes out and is supposed to spit water. and they decided it wasn't enough water. so they got guys with buckets of water and they would push the boat and throw buckets of water on us, cold icy water and we're getting drenched. and then they decided it wasn't giving them the impact they wanted on camera and pulled out what is called a water cannon. >> jimmy: okay.
>> you know, regular cannon, shoot cannon balls. this shoots cannon balls of water. >> jimmy: a ball of water. >> a ball of water shooting at you. >> jimmy: how hard does it come at you? >> so hard. so hard. >> jimmy: and someone firing these? >> there's a guy like you know he's got an intense look on his face and the boat's about to come up to him. >> jimmy: and you have to pretend you don't know it's happening. >> you are like oh, look it. and then you are hit with this water. so as a background performer you are not treated really well. >> jimmy: no. >> i don't remember eating any food or using the restroom or leaving the boat in the eight hours i was there. i was just in this boat the whole time. and i had to go to the bathroom so bad. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> so bad.
and i'm drenched and cold and it's the last shot and the guy sitting next to me i guess he had been getting hit with the water cannon intensely. and he had had enough. so on the last round i notice as the water cannon goes off the guy next to me goes like this and i get the full brunt of the cannon right in my chest. and -- i'm not -- let me just say i'm not saying i peed my pants but i can't have to go to the bathroom any more. >> jimmy: water begat water. >> and then relief. >> were you excited about it when you saw it on television? >> oh, jimmy. no. >> jimmy: why? >> well, i did manage to tape it. and this was back when there were vcrs and you could go frame by frame and i was in two frames up in the corner.
and at christmas time i made the entire extended family gather around the television and showed them my two frames. >> jimmy: you should find whoever directed that video and punish him. because he seems to go crazy for no reason. it is like guantanamo bay on those commercials. >> i have ridden the ride since. 14 years later i went back and took my nephew. i rode the ride with him and you don't even get wet at all. it's like a sprinkle of nothing. it's like misting of water. there's no water on this ride at all. >> jimmy: that's false advertising. >> there are people in those clear rain parkas in line. they are all like afraid they will be drenched all day. >> jimmy: what are you doing for the holidays? what's the plan? >> going home to st. louis. to see my folks. >> nice. >> my husband and the baby -- >> jimmy: i have been to st.
louis a bunch of times. your mom was my fiance's teacher. she is only 14 years old, my fiance. it's a joke. but it's -- that's a weird thing. and do you have spots you go to the eat? >> emo's pizza. >> emo's pizza. >> jimmy: can i say something? it's the most disgusting pizza ever. >> no, it is not. >> it's the worst pizza i have ever had in my long -- illustrious pizza-eating career. and everyone from st. louis loves it. why? >> i hope you had it delivered. it gets plasticy and that's when it is the best. >> jimmy: really? that's a great slogan. >> you want hardened cheese on coat cardboard. it was plasticy. >> that's what makes it good. >> jimmy: no. but it was plasticy. it's a weird thing. every time i go there, the
provolone version of velveeta. >> i love it so much. that's what is on the pizza. we had thanksgiving dinner and i order pizza at midnight. i had one day in town. i am like i have to get in my emo's. >> jimmy: i like the frozen custard. >> sure. >> jimmy: a place called red lion. and pappy's smoke house. >> they're all good. but if you only get one thing i got have that pizza. >> jimmy: winslow's home is a good place. >> oh, i don't know that. >> just giving you other options besides that horrible, horrible pizza. merry christmas to you. and this is the last season. it's been on a long time. you have become a part of our lives. new episodes of "the office" return january 10th on nbc. jenna fischer, everybody. we'll be right back with 2 chainz. ,,
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